Ack... Family!
by ChickenGoddess
Summary: Whenever Arnie's around, things in Arnold's world always get a little wierd... but what happens when Arnie comes to visit, post-confession? Arnold finds himself falling for the last person he imagined... along with his cousin. *COMPLETE*
1. The Call

**A/N:** I got the idea for this fic after watching Arnold Visits Arnie and Weird Cousin too many times in one night.  Ever wonder what would happen if Arnie came to visit, post-confession?  BTW, this is my first chapter fic, so R&R with comments, suggestions and tell me if you want more!  

**Disclaimer**: Me?  Own HA!?  Heh…not until I win the lottery and afford to buy the characters from Viacom.

**Ack… Family!**

By: ChickenGoddess

The phone inside the Sunset Arms boarding house rang five minutes before the borders were to assemble for dinner. 

"Now who could that be?" Grandpa grumbled as he answered the ringing phone.  "Hello?  … Let me get him.  ARNOLD!"

His grandson raced down the stairs, hoping that had been the call for dinner.  "I'm here, grandpa."

"Good.  Your cousin Arnie's on the phone." He said handing the phone to Arnold, whose face fell at the mentioning of his cousin.  

"Are you gonna stand there or talk to the little weirdo?!" Grandpa asked.

"… hey Arnie.  That's great.  How's Lulu?  … Oh right, that was a dream.  You're WHAT?!  … no, no… it's just… all the rooms are full!  No!! no!  uh… there should be an opening!  You can stay there!  Are you sure?  When?  TOMORROW?!  No… that just doesn't give me a lot of time to prepare… ok.  Bye."

"What was that about?" Grandpa asked.

Arnold sighed.  "Arnie's coming to visit again."

"When?  I need to plan and skip town." 

"Grandpa!"

"Heh… sorry Short Man."

"That weirdo is gonna be here?  How long?" Ernie Potts asked. 

"…A week and a half."

Everyone cringed.

"I don't like him!  He is very… creepy!" Mr. Hyunh stated the obvious.

"He counts food instead of eating it!"  Mr. Kokshka added.

"The boy collects lint." Suzy added.

"And there's that phlegmmy snort." Grandpa interjected.

"Don't look at me!  I tried to stop him!" Arnold protested. "Look, it's only for a week, I'm sure-"

"A week and a half." Mr. Potts reminded.

Arnold sighed. "A week and a half.  We can deal with him for that long.  I'll try to keep him occupied while you're all home."

"I guess we can try." Suzy offered.

"Why not?  After all… the kid's family." Mr. Potts agreed.

"He is one more mouth to feed.  What will happen to me, I might starve!" Oscar cried.

Suzy shoved her elbow into Oscar's ribs.  "Ow!! Suzy! Okay… we can deal with him!"

"Okay.  But he is still very …creepy!" Mr. Hyunh said.

Grandpa sighed.  "Well, Short Man, good luck!" 

"Oh no.  If we've gotta stick it out, so do you!" Ernie reminded.

"Are you kidding?  I'm skipping town!"

"Grandpa…" Arnold lectured, his arms crossed narrowing his eyes.

 "That pouty face won't work this time!"

"Do you really want to leave grandma in charge of the boarding house?" Arnold asked.

"What's that, Kimba?  Dinner's almost ready!  The Ambassador is coming tomorrow, I hear!" Tonight she was dressed as Cleopatra, Queen of the Nile.

With a grimace, grandpa replied, "Ok.  I'll stay.  But it's Pookie's fault!"

"What's that, Caesar?" She called.

"Never mind… just serve dinner."


	2. The Dream

**Disclaimer**: Still working on the lottery…. Until then, HA! Belongs to Craig and Nick and Viacom…. 

**Ack… Family!**

By: ChickenGoddess

The Dream 

It was dark… so dark, he could make out nothing around him.  For all he knew it could be a huge black void, an empty space of nothingness.  He walked straight ahead, or what looked like straight ahead to him.  He looked around as he walked, hoping to find a sign of life anywhere.  

"Oof!" He emitted the startled sound as he fell to the ground… he had walked into something.  

"Watch where you're going, Football Head!" The voice that could only belong to Helga Pataki said.

He looked up and sure enough, he saw her sitting on the ground opposite him. "I'm sorry, Helga.  Do you know where we are?"

She looked at him as if he were crazy.  "I practically _live_ here!" She replied.

He watched her expression change as she gasped lightly. 

In a much softer, warmer voice she said, "You've never been here… have you?"

"If I knew where this was I could answer."

"I can't tell you that, Arnold."

"Why not?  We can get out of here, together."

She was almost crying.  "No Arnold.  We can't.  You have to find your way."

"What do you mean? Where are we?  What's wrong?" 

"I… I…" She began, but was interrupted by a flash of lightning and the monstrous boom of thunder.

He looked up to see what had happened, but saw nothing, which was precisely what he saw when he looked back at where Helga had been standing.

  "Helga!" He called. "Helga!  Where are you?!" 

"…She's not here." A voice similar to hers, but much softer and more mellow explained.

He whirled around and before him stood Hilda, Arnie's secret admirer.

"Hilda? I thought you were a dream!"

"…I am… sort of."

"What do you mean?  You're either real or not." Arnold explained.

"In a physical sense, no." She answered.

"That helps a lot." Arnold replied sarcastically.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault.  Where are we?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?  You know and Helga knows, so why can't I?"

"She stumbled through this place just as you are.  You'll have to find that out yourself." And with that she turned and walked away.

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" he asked the oblivion.

"Hey Arnold, Hey Arnold, Hey Arnold-" His alarm clock greeted until he pulled the blue and red wires connecting it to the potato.

While he dressed, he contemplated his dream and decided that eating Grandma's chili before bed was a bad idea.

"What time is the little freak coming?" Grandpa asked, seeing Arnold at the table munching on is cereal.  

"5:00 is what he said."

"The Ambassador will be here in a short time!  We must sweep the decks, scrub the sails and polish the cannons!"

"That's great, Pookie."

"Bye Grandma!  Bye Grandpa!" Arnold called as he grabbed is books and headed out to meet the bus.

As he turned the corner, something sent him backwards onto the cement sidewalk.  'I've gotta watch where I'm going…' he thought, rubbing his head.

"Arnold!" 

He knew that voice… it was soft and mellow… it was Hilda's voice!

"I mean- watch where you're going, Football Head!" 

He knew this voice too.  This was Helga G. Pataki.  "I'm sorry, Helga." He said, offering a hand, which she accepted. 

They boarded the bus and Helga sat beside Phoebe and Arnold grabbed the empty space next to Gerald.

"Hey man, what's up?" 

"You're not gonna like this." He said.

"It can't be that bad." Gerald replied.

"Arnie's coming to visit for a week and a half."

Gerald's eyes bulged.  "It is that bad."

"I know." Arnold sighed.

"Arnie's coming to visit again?!  You mean your ever so humble country cousin who looks like you only _much _more attractive!" Lila exclaimed.

"She doesn't mean Arnie… does she?" Sid asked.

Arnold sighed. "Yeah."

"Have you forgotten how things get whenever your cousin is… you know… around?" Gerald replied.

"No… but he's family, Gerald."

"Please, Arnold.  The boy collects lint." Rhonda replied.

 "He counts food instead of eating it!"  Harold shouted..

 "And there's that disgusting phlegmmy snort." Helga added.  

"Face it, Arnold.  Your cousin's dull as dirt." Stinky said.

Arnold sighed, exasperated.  "I know.  I tried, but he wouldn't listen."

"I'll be ever so delighted to see him again!" Lila said.

Everyone stared at her, disbelieving.

"That's good, Lila.  You can try to get Arnie back." Arnold offered.

"Oh Arnold, you are so sweet!  Just ever so sweet!" She squealed with delight.

Once things had settled down, Arnold leaned over and whispered into Gerald's ear, "I can't believe I liked her, liked her."

"Me neither, man.  Me neither."

Arnold informed Mr. Simmons of Arnie's visit and that he would be joining their class for the next week and a half. 

"It appears that for the next week and a half we will be having a new, very… special addition to our class.  Arnold's special cousin Arnie will be sharing in our special learning." He said nervously.

"It's ok, Simmons.  We all know the kid's a freak." Helga stated bluntly.

"We don't talk about people like that!  Arnie's not a freak… he's just…"

"'Special'"? The class replied.

"The kid's weirder than Curley." Rhonda stated.

"Yeah!  He's weirder than me!" Curley echoed in support.

 "Settle down, children!  Open your math books to page 57."

And the day began.****


	3. He's Back!

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**Ack… Family!**

By: ChickenGoddess

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**He's Back**

Before they were ready, the school day had ended.  Arnold was dreading Arnie's visit… but this time couldn't be as bad as the last.  Hopefully, Arnie would rediscover is love for Lila and they would be on their merry way.  They deserved each other.  They both had the personality of cardboard.

He didn't know when he realized it… sometime after he, Gerald and Helga had saved the neighborhood.  He didn't think about her, didn't stare at her, and didn't talk about her.  Gerald noticed and asked what it was about.  Arnold hadn't noticed the change until then.  He had decided to approach Lila and talk to her about it.

"Hey Lila." He said.

"Arnold, as I've told you oh so many times, I don't like you, like you.  I just like you." She replied.

He screwed is face at her response, as if something she had said didn't register in his football headed brain.  "Do you ever just talk… normal?"

"Whatever do you mean, Arnold?"

"Don't you just say: I don't like you… go away?"

"I'm oh so certain that I have no idea about what you're talking about." She replied.

"Lila… don't you ever laugh at people?"

"Whatever do you mean?"

"Like when Harold gets hit and screams 'MAMMIE'?" He tried.

"I'm oh so certain that that would be just ever so mean."

"You don't ever just laugh at someone's expense… just for the moment?" He tried.

"I'm ever so sure that I don't."

"… Thanks Lila."

"I'm ever so glad I could help.  But I still don't understand what you mean."

"Never mind.  I just realized that I don't 'like you, like you' anymore."

"I'm ever so thankful for that."

"Me too, Lila.  Me too."

What had spurred his sudden change in attitude towards her was beyond him… maybe it was as simple as he woke up one morning and changed.  Something inside him argued that it was something else.  Not something, but someone.  He stopped himself before he began to think about what had plagued him for seemingly endless weeks afterwards.  He had finally learned to do that.  It was a good thing, too, because he didn't know how he would ever be able to face her again.

"Arnold!  Arnold!" He heard Grandpa's voice beckoning.

He came out of his thoughts and raced down the street and saw his Grandpa sitting outside on the boarding house stairs.

"What happened?"

"I'll tell you what happened!  The little weirdo came early!"

"Arnie's here already!"

"Been here since noon!"

"I'm so sorry Grandpa!" He said, running inside and up the stairs.  He ran up the stairs and into his room where he saw Arnie, sitting on his couch, reading the ingredients on the back of a pack of airplane peanuts.  One would think the kid would have them memorized after reading so many of those stupid packets.

"Hey Arnie…"

"Hello Arnold." He replied with his trademark snort.

"…How was your flight?"

"It was ok.  I read the ingredients on these peanuts 756 times."

"…That's… um… great!" Arnold replied, feigning interest.

"I found this lint under your bed." He said, revealing a quarter-sized ball of fuzzy gray dust from his pocket.  "Can I keep it?"

Arnold fought every urge to cringe.  "Sure."

"Thanks." He snorted.

"Arnie… I didn't know you'd be here so early."

"Is it a problem?" His monotone asked.

Arnold scratched behind his neck as he customarily did when he was nervous.  "No… it's just that we have a game at 4."

"I don't play baseball."

"I know.  Would you like to come and watch?  Lila will be there." He tried.

"Who's Lila?"

"The girl you went out with the last time you were here… Lila Nates?" Arnold tried.

"Oh."

Arnold was wondering if his cousin had a brain.  Of course he did… whether he used it or not was yet to be confirmed.  "We should get down to the field.  Helga usually gets mad when anyone's late."

"Helga?" Arnie asked.

"Yeah… never mind.  Let's just go." 


	4. The Game

**Ack… Family!**

By: ChickenGoddess

The Game 

They arrived at the field and Arnie took a seat on one of the benches to view the game, though everyone could sense that he was clueless as to the happenings before him.

"Great.  Arnoldo brought Freakshow to the game." Helga scowled.

"He's family." Arnold sighed.

"Yeah, yeah.  All right.  You all know where you're going." She dictated. "Let's play!"

The opposing team was a group of fourth graders from downtown.  The uptown kids were easy to beat, but the downtown teams seemed to be a step ahead of them.  They were evenly matched for the most part.  What made a difference in the score was an error on Harold's part.  He had bobbled the ball, and in that short time, they had managed to score two runs which set them two ahead.  It was not the bottom of the 9th inning, two outs and Phoebe on second base.  Arnold sighed as he stepped into the batter's box, facing the opposing pitcher who had managed to get the better of the team, save Helga.  

"Hey!  Football Head!" She called.

He looked over and she was motioning for him to come over.  He approached her, wondering what she could possibly want now.  Instead of mocking his batting stance she offered advice.

"Look for the inside heater in the left corner." She said.

"What?"

"Trust me.  It'll come on the third pitch.  Get some distance on it." 

"Hey, Football face!  You gonna bat or what?" The pitcher called, annoyance in his voice.

Arnold stepped up to the plate, hearing Helga's advice in his head.

"Look for the inside heater in the left corner"  "Trust me" 

_"Look for the inside heater in the left corner"_

_"It'll come on the third pitch."_

_"Look for the inside heater in the left corner  "_

_            "Get some distance on it."_

_"Look for the inside heater in the left corner"_

The ball passed him by twice.  He saw the pitcher fire an inside heater in the left corner.  Gritting his teeth, Arnold swung harder than ever, and with a powerful '_thunk", _the ball flew.  He past first base and ran on to second, Phoebe sliding into home plate and beating out the catcher.  Helga offered an enthusiastic high five to her best friend before gritting her teeth and gripping her bat.  She had a smile on her face, one he read as 'go ahead. I'm ready'.  She let the first pitch pass her, deliberately yawning after the strike was called.  

_'What is she doing?'_ Arnold thought.

Before he was aware, the ball left the pitcher's glove and was countered with a powerful swing from the girl at bat.  It had obviously been a home run, but she ran determined nonetheless.  As she crossed the plate, scoring the winning run, the team cheered ecstatically.  Even Harold had something nice to say, and if that doesn't tell you anything, than nothing will.  

"Hey girl!" The opposing catcher called.

Everyone who met the qualifications turned around.

"You… pigtails."

Helga crossed her arms.  "The name's Helga.  You can take it up with Old Betsey if you've got a problem."

"No offense…. Geez.  Here's the ball." He said, tossing her the beaten object.

"Thanks…." She replied.  "Ok.  The game ball goes to… Miss Phoebe Hyerdahl!"

Phoebe gasped as everyone started wide-eyed in amazement.  "But Helga… you deserve it!  You won the game for us!"

"Would we have won if you hadn't gotten a hit and beat out the play to first?" Helga asked.

Phoebe remained silent.

"Catch!" Helga said with a smile as she threw the ball to the small Japanese girl.

Phoebe caught it and a huge grin spread across her face as she studied the object in her hands.  "Thank you, Helga!  Thank you!" She said, embracing her best friend tight enough to threaten her air supply.

"Pheebs… air…!"

"Sorry…" Phoebe replied, immediately letting go.

"No biggie."

As she started home, Arnold called after her.  

"What now, Football Head?" She asked as he came running up beside her.

"I just wanted to know…" He paused to take a breath, "How you knew what he was gonna throw."

Helga looked at him.  "It's easy, Hair Boy.  I just watched him all game and studied his strategy.  He knew you'd never see it coming."

"That's… pretty amazing, Helga." He said.

She looked at him, wide eyed in awkwardness… recalling the only other time he had said that… _'that's a pretty amazing thing to do for someone you claim to hate…'_ she could tell that he shared her shock… he probably hadn't intended for it to sound like it did.  "When you spend as much time as I do watching people, you start to pick up those things."

"Anyway… great game.  I'll see you tomorrow." He replied, playing off his nervousness.

"Sure.  Bye Football Head." 

He watched her walk out of sight, but did not see her dart into the alleyway, nor hear her soliloquy. 

"Oh Arnold, fate brings us a step closer together with another day… if only I could let you see past my harsh and inelegant front and into my soul and see my true nature… if only I had the courage to show the gentleness and tender care I feel inside." She sighed.

Immediately flowing her love rant, heavy wheezing was heard from the trashcan behind her.  Helga scowled and sent her fist backwards, punching Brainy in the face and sending him unconscious into the metal can.  

"Does he ever learn?" She asked herself aloud as she stepped out of the alley.


	5. Dreams and Dinner

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**Ack… Family!**

By: ChickenGoddess

Dreams and Dinner 

The borders had assembled for dinner, each trying to ignore the sound of Arnie's incessant snort.  Grandma had made chicken for dinner as the borders could not stand the sound of Arnie's slurping _and_ his snorting at the same time.  

"Hey kid… you ever see the doctor about that snort?" Ernie asked as casual as possible.

"No."

"Maybe he can make it go away…" Suzy added.

"It's ok.  I've gotten used to it."

"This kid is very… creepy!" Mr. Hyunh whispered to Ernie.

"So… Arnie, do you have any new hobbies?" Suzy asked.

"I have a lucky pile of dirt."

"Oh… that's … nice." She replied.

"You are a very strange child." Oscar said bluntly.

"Oscar!" Suzy shouted.

"What?"

Amidst all this, Arnold sighed.  He wanted to be far away from here… from his apathetic cousin who always managed to throw everything off balance.  There was nothing Arnie could screw up this time, though.  He wondered if he had been as obsessed as Gerald said he had been over Lila during Arnie's last visit.  He laughed mentally.  "Little Miss Perfect"… wasn't that what they had called her?  Yes.  She was nice and they would always be casual friends and that was fine.  Too much of her syrupy sweet niceness and sugarcoated reality was enough to make you cringe.  He had pretended to be interested in Helga… brushing her hair, massaging her feet and sharing the same piece of gum.  He smiled at his foolishness.  Her hair did smell good. He would admit that.  It was soft, too…

"Arnold!  Earth to the Short Man!" His grandpa's voice beckoned.

He blinked back into reality and realized that dinner was over and he had barely touched his food.  

"Are you going to eat any more of your food, my good buddy?" Oscar asked.

Arnold sighed.  "No Mr. Kokshka.  You can have it."

"Oh thank you, Arnold.  You don't know how much this means to me!" He cried.

"Yeah, yeah, until tomorrow." Ernie remarked.

Day one of Arnie's visit was nearly over.  Arnold laid thinking in his bed and Arnie occupied the couch that Gerald had come to know as home away from home.  

_'I wasn't really thinking about Helga again, was I?'_ he asked himself.  

"Arnold" Arnie asked with a snort.

"What?"

"Does Helga," snort, "have a boyfriend?"

Arnold's heart stopped beating.  "I don't think so…"

"Ok."

"Why'd you wanna know?" Arnold asked, defensiveness in his tone.

Arnie was already asleep, snoring loudly.  

"What does it matter… he just wanted to know if Helga was with anyone, that's no reason to freak out on the guy.  Besides, he likes Lila.  Oh why do I care?!" he cried loudly.  Sighing, he rolled to his side and fell into sleep.

When he woke, he again found himself in that huge black void of nothingness.  

"I've done this dream before." He said to no one in particular.  "Oh well." He sighed, walking to the right.  He wondered where exactly this void of nothingness was… and his purpose for being in it.  It was like being in space… with gravity.  There was nothing ahead and nothing behind.  Finally, his eye caught sight of some color.  It was a blond girl dressed in pink, sitting on what appeared to be the ground.  

"Helga?" He asked the figure.

Her head turned to face him.  She smiled. "Hello Arnold."

"What?  No 'Football Head'?" He joked.

She screwed her face in confusion, as if she had no comprehension of what he had just said.

"Please tell me my jokes aren't as bad as my grandfathers." He replied.

She gave a small smile.  

"Can you tell me where I am?" He asked.

Her face fell.  "I wish I could, Arnold, but I can't do that."

"Don't you trust me?  We'll get out of here together." He said, extending a hand to her.

"I do trust you, Arnold.  More than you suspect, and I wish that I could lead you out of here, but that would be against the rules." She replied, looking away.

"Whose rules?  I don't understand."

Tears pricked her eyes.  "You will." She said, turning away.

"Wait!  Don't leave me here!" He cried, placing his hand on her shoulder.

She sighed.  "Don't make this harder than it is."

He thought he saw her glance at him out of the corner of her eyes before she began to walk into the shadows of the oblivion.  He stood there, again alone.  

"Harder for which of us?" He mused bitterly.  

"Don't put this on her, Arnold.  She's doing the best she can." The sweet mellow voice he had come to know as Hilda said.

He turned around and she was standing there, just as he had expected.  "What's going on here?  Why doesn't anyone want to get out of here?"

"You seem awfully anxious to leave…" Hilda observed.

"Well, a black hole isn't exactly my idea of a good dream." He replied.

"That's what you think this is?" She asked, a bit shocked, "A black hole?"

"…I don't know what I think!  I just want to get out!  Don't you?" He asked.  "Don't you ever get tired of this?"

Hilda sighed, her eyes unleveled with Arnold's.  "I used to.  I got out once… but it wasn't right.  The time will come."

Arnold had never been more confused in his young life than he was right now.  

"Don't worry," Hilda sympathized, "it'll make sense."  

Arnold wasn't quite sure that anything would make sense, at least in this world.  

"You can leave if you want." Hilda said, looking away.

His head whipped to face her.  "I can?"

"Hey Arnold- Hey Arnold- Hey Arnold-" The alarm clock continued to ring in such a fashion until its groggy owner pulled the wires from the potato on which it ran.

Arnold sighed as he glanced at his cousin who still remained asleep… today would be a long day, indeed.


	6. School

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**Ack… Family!**

By: ChickenGoddess

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**School**

Everyone fell silent as Arnold stepped onto the bus with his rather unusual cousin.  The silence made Arnold's skin crawl but Arnie didn't seem the least bit phased by the quiet.  The only audible sound was the gentle scuffing of their shoes on the floor of the bus.

"Arnie…" Lila giggled.

Arnie turned his freakish head toward the sound of his name.  "Hi."

"Would you like to sit with me?" She asked, ever so politely.

"It's ok." Arnold said, giving the thumbs-up to his cousin.

Arnie scanned the bus, his gaze resting on the blond girl with pigtails and one eyebrow.  She was sitting with a small Japanese girl.

"Ok." He snorted as he sat beside Lila, who beamed with delight as the strange child sat down.

Arnold collapsed down in the aisle seat next to his best friend with a heavy sigh as he shut his eyes.

"It's not gonna be that bad…" Gerald tried.

Arnold simply turned his head to look at Gerald, his eyes half closed.

"So it's gonna be that bad… it's not like it's forever! Plus, he's already hooked on Lila again.  He'll be out of the house every night!"

Arnold looked at Lila and Arnie… they looked happy, if Arnie ever _showed_ happiness, that was.  Something told him Gerald wasn't right on the mark, but he'd have to believe it if he wanted to stay sane.

"Thanks Gerald."

"What does she see in him?" Rhonda cringed.

"I'll be darned if I know." Stinky replied, observing the "perfect" couple.

Sniffing was heard from behind Rhonda.

"Stop smelling me!" She reprimanded the shorter boy with a bowl cut hairdo and jaunty upper lip.

"Give daddy some sugar!" Curly cried, grabbing Rhonda.

"Ewww!!! You freak!" She screamed, slapping him.

"Consider the alternative, Princess." Helga offered, motioning at Arnie.

Everyone cringed as the strange kid snorted and Lila giggled.  They emitted a single, collective "eewww…"

Lunchtime rolled around and Lila had coaxed Arnie into sitting with her.  He had remained quiet the whole day, save his snort.  If things were to continue like this, Arnold concluded that everyone would make it through the remaining time with their sanity sparred.

"Free at last?" Gerald joked as he placed his tray beside his best friend.

"Gerald, you have no idea."

"You're a bold kid, Arnold.  I don't know how you do it."

"Do what?" Arnold asked, biting into his sandwich.

"Put up with people."

"It's a gift, I guess."

"Today's my lucky day!  The lunch lady saved me an extra bowl a' lemon puddin'!" Stinky announced as he took a seat.

Arnold smiled and turned briefly to see how his cousin was doing.  Lila was saying something and Arnie was looking at her… Arnold squinted to better focus his eyes and saw that Arnie wasn't looking _at_ Lila… he was looking _past_ her.  Arnold's eyes moved from his cousin to the resting place of Arnie's gaze.  Arnold's heart skipped a beat as he gasped… Arnie was looking at Helga!  She opened her lunchbox for the third week in a row and found it empty.

"Arnold?  What's wrong, man?" Gerald asked.

"Nothing… it's just… Helga's mom forgot to pack her lunch again."

"What else is new? I'd be surprised if Mrs. Pataki _remembered_." Gerald offered, munching on his food.

"Well… don't you ever feel bad?" He asked.

Everyone at the table looked up from their lunch.

"Yeah, of course.  But it's funny to watch her trick Harold into eating shaving cream and other stuff." Gerald replied.

"Like the time she gave him a rubber ball and he thought it was an orange!" Sid added, laughing.  "He almost choked on it!"

Arnold searched his pockets and pulled out the few extra dollars he had as he stood up and headed toward the food and purchased a sandwich and a cup of tapioca pudding.  He placed these items on a tray and his friends watched silently as he headed toward the table where Phoebe and Helga were sitting.  Wordlessly, he placed the tray in front of Helga.  She looked up, almost shocked that Arnold stood above her.

"What's this for?" She asked when she could think again.

"I had some extra lunch money… and it didn't look like you had anything to trade Harold today… so I bought you lunch." Arnold replied, fidgeting with his hands behind his back to keep the nervousness from his voice.

"You really did that… for me?" She asked in such a gentle voice he'd never heard from her before.

"Yeah." He replied.

"You mean… this isn't gonna turn out to be another April Fool's prank, is it?" She asked quickly.

Arnold laughed… then felt guilty for manipulating her emotions.  "No pranks."

"Thank you, Arnold.  I… I… thank you." She stuttered.

"Anytime…" he said, walking back to his table.

Helga smiled a lovesick grin until Phoebe slapped her.  

"Ouch!  Pheebs!  What was that for?! Crimety!" She asked, holding her cheek with her hand.

"Sorry, Helga.  You had this goofy smile on your face and I didn't want anyone to make fun of you… or accuse you of liking 'ice cream'." The petite Japanese girl replied.

Helga glanced at Arnold who was sitting down.  "Thanks Phoebe."  She said genuinely.

"You'd do the same for me." She said, smiling.

Helga returned the grin as she bit into the sandwich, thinking _"how did he know I like pastrami?"_

"That was right gallant of you Arnold." Stinky said.

"I think it's 'gal-ont' not gal-ant'." Sid replied, correcting Stinky's mispronunciation.

"It was the right thing." Arnold said.

Gerald rolled his eyes, detecting a hint of blush on the cheeks of his best friend.

Helga, Phoebe, Arnold, Gerald, Sid, Stinky and Harold all sat on the jungle gym, basically bored out of their skulls.  Sheena and Eugene were working on their new routine, Nadine and Rhonda were painting each other's nails and Arnie and Lila sat together on a bench adjacent to the school building.

"Arnie's isn't all that bad this visit." Sid said.  "I mean, except for the snort, and the counting things, and the lint collecting… he doesn't talk much during class."

"There's the master of tact, himself." Helga replied sarcastically, hanging upside down, but for one reason or another, her dress stayed in place.

"He's so dumb he probably doesn't know what's going on!" Harold said in his usual whiny voice.

"You should talk, Pink Boy." Helga replied.

"I'm not dumb!" Harold protested.

"You drank a quart of oil because I told you it was hot fudge." She retorted.

Everyone laughed, remembering that say in the cafeteria.

"Stop that!  It's not funny! Stop or I'LL POUND YOU!"

Everyone managed to stifle their laughter.

"How was I supposed to know it was oil?!"

"They have their own separate tastes, Bubba!" Gerald replied.

"Shut up!  And don't call me that!"

Arnold sighed with a smile, thankful for his classmates.  No matter how annoying they could get, they were nothing like his cousin.  Arnie was a different kind of annoying.  This thought in mind, Arnold shot a glance at his cousin and noticed that Arnie's attention was focused on them… who was he kidding, Arnie was looking at Helga.  Arnie's beanie copter was spinning and he was looking at Helga.  A sudden protective instinct shot through him, an expression of anger coming across his usually mellow features.

"Arnold… are you all right?" Phoebe asked.

He shook his head, loosing the look of frustration.  "Helga, would you mind sitting instead of hanging?"

She looked at him and sat upright.  "Better, Football Head?"

"Thanks Helga."

"Are you sure you're ok?" Sid asked, being the perpetually paranoid individual he was.

"Yeah… Arnie was just… freaking me out." He said.

"That makes two of us." Gerald said, backing up his best friend.

The school bell rang and the kids reluctantly set off to class, still contemplating the bizarre nature of Arnold's previous actions. And as customary, Helga ran behind the playground dumpster.


	7. Confessions

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**A/N: **First of all, I want to thank everyone who reviewed!  There will be more, and I swear that Arnold's crazy dreams will make sense.  Keep reviewing!  It only makes me want to write more!  I love u guys!  

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**Ack… Family!**

By: ChickenGoddess

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**Confessions**

Some "special" classes later, the bell sounded and the students bolted from PS118 and onto their specified busses.  Grandma greeted Kimba and The Ambassador as they arrived and made their way into Arnold's room.  Arnold sat at his desk and began his homework, however by the time Grandma sounded the cowbell that summoned them all back down for dinner, all he had done was written "Helga" on his paper several thousand time, no exaggeration.  He stared at the paper with shocked eyes, reading the name he had written over and over.

_"She's just on my mind, that's all."_  He convinced himself.  _"Arnie's been giving her… well, attention and I've been noticing.  There's nothing else."_  Thoughts of this nature continued to float back and forth through his mind all through dinner.  He barely touched is food, giving the rest to a very enthused Mr. Kokshka.

"Arnie… you can go upstairs… I need to talk to Arnold for a minute." Phil said, calling Arnold aside.

"Ok." Arnie snorted and made his way up the stairs.

"Arnold… are you ok?" Phil asked.

"Yeah… I'm fine, Grandpa." Arnold replied.

"Is it… your little friend with the one eyebrow?" He asked cautiously.

"Helga?!  Why would _Helga_ be on my mind?" He asked nervously.

"Heh… no reason.  Get upstairs with your cousin before he does something stupid… er, worse than he's already done!"

Arnold smiled and ran upstairs, leaving Phil behind.

"What's the matter, Tex?" Gertie asked.

"I'm such a wily old coot!" he laughed.

"Arnold, I need to ask you something important." Arnie said with no inflection whatsoever.

"Sure, Arnie…"

"Are you in love with Helga?"

"What?!  NO!" He shouted in a shocked and nervous manner.  "What would make you think a crazy thing like that?!"

"You stare at her.  You bought her lunch.  You were nervous.  You wrote her name on your paper 4,327 times."

"You counted?!"

"It's my hobby."

"Oh… right." Arnold remembered.  "I was just… bored, that's all." He then added defensively, "Why do you want to know?!"

"I was just asking."

_"No harm in asking…" _Arnold thought.

"I'm gonna go out.  I'll see you later." Arnie said, and left the room.

Arnold was left in awe of what had just happened.  His cousin had accused him of being in love with Helga G. Pataki and walked out, not bothering to ask if it was ok to leave!  He walked over to his desk and studied the paper on which he had scribbled her name 4,327 times.  He threw himself in his chair and sighed.  He didn't know anymore.  Everything was so confusing.  

The doorbell to the Pataki house rang.  Miriam Pataki was out like a light against the refrigerator and Bob was watching TV.

"Olga!  Get the door!"

Helga heard the sound from her room and reluctantly dragged herself away from her shrine and down the stairs.  She opened the door and froze.  Before her stood Arnie… with a bouquet of flowers in his hand.  Before she could even ask why he was here, Arnie spoke.

"I love you Helga." He snorted.

Helga's face paled an unearthly white and a look of utter shock and pure terror resided on her face as she up and fainted, the door closing as she hit the ground.

The sound of Helga hitting the floor awoke a less-than-sober Miriam, who heard the doorbell ring.  She slowly answered the door but not before stumbling a few times, failing to notice the unconscious form of her daughter on the floor a few feet from her.  Miriam opened the door… and fainted.  At her door was not the nice little blond boy from school, but an evil replica of some kind.

"Hi." Arnie said to the unconscious body before him as the door again swung shut in his face.

Helga returned to consciousness as Miriam landed on the floor.  Terror gripped her as she hard the doorbell chime.  Gasping sharply, she raced up the stairs and into her room, locking the door and grabbing the phone with a trembling hand.  Shakily, she dialed Arnold's number and prayed to all high and holy that he was home.

"Sunset Arms Boarding House, this is Phil speaking."

"Phil, I need to talk to Arnold!" She said, nervously drumming her fingers against the nightstand where her phone rested.

"Who's this?" The old man asked."

"It's Helga!  I NEED to talk to him!  It's a matter of life and death!"

"Ok, ok, no need to get all angry… sheesh." Phil said.

The doorbell was still chiming away.  She grew more panicked each passing second

"Short Man!  It's yer little friend with the one eyebrow!"

"Helga?" Arnold asked.

She mentally sighed in relief.  "WHAT IS YOUR COUSIN DOING HERE?!" She screamed.

"Arnie's at your house?!" Arnold replied, shocked.

"Yeah.  He showed up with flowers and professed his love for me- Arnold, you've gotta do something!"

His eyes bulged.  "He did what?!"

"I answered the door and he said he loved me!  Help me!"

"What can I do?!" Arnold asked, panicking.

"He's _your_ cousin!" She reminded.

"I'll come by and get him away from your house… ok?"

Helga heard the door creek open and horror gripped her senses.

"What's wrong?  Helga?  Helga?!" came the voice from the other line.

"He's in my house." She replied in terror.  "I'm gonna jump out the window and head to Phoebe's."

"Helga, your room is on the third floor!" Arnold reminded.

"Fire escape." She said.

She heard the soft treading of feet on the stairs coming closer to her locked door.

"I gotta go Arnold- see you later!" She said, hanging up.  As if her life depended on it, she flew down the fire escape.

Arnie stood at her door and knocked.  He waited.  He knocked again.  This process was repeated 537 times.  He counted.

Helga reached Phoebe's house disheveled and out of breath.  She hadn't taken so much as a second to pause and catch her breath.  She pounded on the door and thankfully Phoebe answered.  The small girl gasped at the sight of her best friend.

"Oh my! Helga, What happened?!"

"…Ar… Arnie!" She managed.

"Come inside!" Phoebe demanded more than offered, ushering Helga into her home and offering a bottle of water.

"Thanks, Pheebs." Helga said upon catching her breath.

"Why are you so out of breath?"

"I ran nonstop to your place."

"From your house?!"

"Yeah." Helga affirmed.

"Why on Earth would you do that?!" Phoebe lectured.

"Arnie… he showed up at my house… said he love me…" She explained, still panting.

Phoebe looked as if someone had died.

"My thoughts exactly." Helga said.

"You're certainly not going back home tonight." Phoebe explained, narrowing her eyes.

Helga smiled.  "What would I do without you, Pheebs?"

"You'd still be hiding from Arnie!"

Helga held her head in her hands, "What'd I do wrong?"

"It could be worse…" Phoebe tried to console her friend.

"Yeah?  How?"

"… due to Murphy's Laws, technically it could be worse…" She tried.

Helga looked at her, a glance that said she didn't believe.

"Ok… so it couldn't be worse…you've still got me!" Phoebe smiled.

"You win, Pheebs." Helga sighed with a smile.

The doorbell to the Pataki residence rang again.  It woke Miriam from her unconscious state on the floor.  She carefully lumbered to her feet and twisted the knob open.  She sighed with relief… it was that nice little blond boy from Helga's class.

"Hi… is Helga here?"

"Gee… I don't know.  But there's a creepy kid who looks just like you… only a lot uglier… I think he's upstairs." Miriam tried.  "Can you get him out of here?"

Arnold faked a smile.  "Sure, Mrs. Pataki." He walked past her and up the stairs where he saw Arnie, hard at work at his monotonous ritual of knocking and waiting.

"Arnie…"

"Oh.  Hi Arnold."

"Helga isn't here… she went to her grandmother's house." Arnold lied.

"Ok.  Let's go." Arnie said, walking down the stairs.

As Arnold and Arnie walked past Mrs. Pataki, she simply observed, and muttered to herself, "I need a smoothie…"


	8. The Realization

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**A/N: **This is where the crazy dreams make sense!  There will be more… just hold yer horses! J/K…. keep letting me know what you think of it… it really helps!****

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**Ack… Family!**

By: ChickenGoddess

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**The Realization**

When he was certain that Arnie had gone to sleep, Arnold telephoned the Hyerdahls and talked to Helga, making sure she was all right.  She affirmed that she would be fine.  She'd have to steer clear of Arnie tomorrow and for the remainder of his visit and everything would be fine.  The shock was finally wearing off on her, or so she said, but Arnold was more agitated than ever.  He'd hung up the phone and walked back into his room where Arnie slept on Gerald's couch.  He looked at his sleeping cousin and a pang of alien emotion shot through him.  It was strangely familiar, though he could not recall feeling it often.  He had felt it when he liked Lila and she was all over Arnie… not hurt, but jealous.  That was it.  Jealousy surged through him as he remembered seeing his cousin knocking on Helga's door, a bouquet of flowers clutched in his free hand.  Yes, he was jealous.  But why?  What did Arnie have that made him feel this way?  He sighed in frustration.  His head was aching and he just wanted to sleep.  In the morning things would make sense, he hoped.

He awoke in the familiar blackness of the dream world he had come to know over the last few nights.  Only now, he was not anxious to leave the void where he resided.  Tonight, it was calm.  Arnie wasn't here.  Arnold set out, his only goal was to find Helga.  She would be here, somewhere.  He always managed to find her in this dream.  Sure enough, there she was, casually leaning against something the darkness had hidden.

"Hey, Helga." He said.

"Oh.  I suppose you came to ask me how you can get out of here."

"No."

Helga looked surprised.  "Then why did you find me?"

"I guess I knew you'd be here." He aid truthfully.  After all, she had been there when he had least expected it.  Like when Lila rejected him… he was certain she would rub it in and storm off, but instead she acted as company.  "I wanted to find you."

Helga looked hopeful.  

Arnold couldn't help but smile.

"Why are you smiling?" She asked.

He didn't have a clue in the world.  "I don't know." He said, smiling wider.

"You're pretty dense, Football Head."

"I know.  I know." He said, overwhelmed with emotion.  He didn't know what it was, but he'd never felt like this before.

_"Arnie gives Helga attention… I get mad… Arnie loves Helga… I get jealous…I'm jealous because Arnie loves Helga!  But why? …"_ He thought.

Suddenly, he saw Helga and himself standing on the roof of some building.  She wore a trench coat and he was dressed in a suit… this was FTI!  He watched the two of them play out the scene, just as it had been.

Then it clicked.

As Helga grabbed him into the kiss he was certain he would never forget so long as he lived, he knew this feeling had a name and he knew what it was.  He blinked and the flashback was gone.  In its place stood Helga.

"I love you." He said simply.

"You… what?"

"I love you." He said, smiling.  "I love being with you.  I love Helga the Bully and I love Helga the Romantic.  I love you."  How freely these words came now that he would admit them!  He had been in love with her since she confessed, he just hadn't known it.

Helga smiled.

A blinding flash of light illuminated the blackness he had stumbled through nights before.  He looked back at Helga, who strangely resembled the impersonator of his French pen pal, Cecil.  Her hair was down in a natural wave, her infamous pink bow tied in the blond locks.  Her attire was her usual pink dress.  She stood shyly, as if not knowing what to say.

Wordlessly, she held out her hand.

He slowly reached out and returned the gesture.  She silently led him through the darkness as if she had mastered the geography of the darkness.  Oddly enough, they came to a brown door and Helga turned the knob and stepped out, Arnold following suit.  He shielded his eyes from the brightness until they adjusted to the light.  When they did, he realized that they were inside Mr. Simmons empty 4th grade classroom.

"You knew the way out… the whole time?" He asked.

Helga simply nodded.

"Why didn't you show me?"

"I already had…" She confessed in a sweet, mellow voice that could only belong to Hilda.

"Hilda?" He asked.

"…Hilda was everything I wouldn't let you see.  This is the real me… as I want to be."

"Why did you stay in that place for so long?" he asked.

"I waited for you."

"But why?"

"Because I wanted to." She confessed.  "I love you.  And even though you're dense, I knew you'd figure it out eventually."

Arnold smiled with a hint of blush.   "So… what do we do now?"

"That's your call, Football Head." She said in an affectionate joke.

"You're never going to stop with the 'Football Head' jokes are you?" He laughed.

"Probably not… but you know I'm just playing." She teased.

Arnold rolled his eyes.  "Whatever you say, Helga."

She smiled, a beautiful expression he had seen her seldom wear.  

Before he was conscious of his actions, he had swept her into a kiss.

Once they had pulled back, Helga had a goofy grin plastered to her face and Arnold was loopy as ever, unbelieving, but satisfied with his action.

"Hey Arnold." She said.

"Hey Arnold- Hey Arnold- hey Arnold-" His alarm clock called, waking him from his fantasy dream world.

Always during the good dreams.

This morning, he wasn't jealous of Arnie in the least.  He had Helga's affections and Arnie didn't.  Arnie could offer her all the gold in China, but Helga would still prefer Arnold even under the worst conditions.

"Bye Grandma, bye Grandpa!" Arnold called, flying out the door with his cousin trailing behind.

"See you later, Short Man!"

"Peace out, Happenin' Dudes!" Grandma called.  Today she was John Travolta from _Saturday Night Fever_.

They boarded the bus, and before Arnie could get even a look at the object of his affections Lila had grabbed him into the seat beside her, giggling as she did so.

Arnold collapsed smiling into the seat next to his best friend.

"What happened?  Did Arnie die?"

"What?! No, he's up front, Gerald."

"Why are you so happy then?"

"…No reason." He replied, that stupid smile all over his face.

Gerald gave an exaggerated sigh.  "Who is it this month?"

"What do you mean?"

"Who are you crushing on now?"

"No one."

"Liar."

"I'm serious.  I'm in love with her…"

Gerald moaned.  "Here we go again."

"This one likes me back."

"When were you planning on telling me this?  'Uh hey, Gerald, I'm getting married in 5 minutes and I want you to be the Best Man'?"

"No… it's just… I haven't told her yet."

"Hold on a minute!" Gerald said, confused.  "You love her, and she loves you but you haven't told her you love her yet?  What's going on?!"

"Never mind… I'll tell you later."

"Good, 'cause this is too confusing for me." He replied.  "Hey… where's Phoebe?"

Arnold looked around.  "She and Helga aren't on the bus?"

"Nope."

"Phoebe's mother probably took them to school." Arnold concluded.

"Why?  What happened?"

"Arnie kinda… professed his undying love to Helga last night."

"You're kidding, right?"

Arnold affirmed that he was indeed serious.

"Poor girl…" Gerald lamented.  "There are few times I will feel bad for Helga G. Pataki, but this one beats them all."

"She's not _so_ bad, Gerald."

"We are talking about the same Helga G. Pataki, right?  The bully?  The girl who's always calling you 'Football head' and 'Paste-for-Brains' and throwing endless numbers of spitballs at you?"

"She doesn't mean it.  She's done a lot of nice things too."

"Like what?" Gerald replied skeptically.

"She got her dad to fund the float, she helped save Mighty Pete, she helped me realize that Summer was using me, helped me with the sandcastle competition, she took the four of us out to dinner when she could have taken anyone, and she risked everything to help us save the neighborhood."

"You like Helga, don't you?"

"Is it that obvious?" Arnold blushed.

"Yeah, man.  Sorry."

"Why am I the last one to realize these things?"

"That doesn't matter.  When you talk to Helga… can you maybe… ask her… if… uh…" Gerald blushed, nervously scratching the back of his neck.

"Sure I'll ask about Phoebe for you."

Gerald smiled as his face reddened.  "Thanks, man."

The bus stopped.  Today would be one for the history books.


	9. Notes, Lunch and Recess

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**A/N: **This is short, simply because I couldn't come up with anything to make it longer.  Plus, I wanted to upload the next chapter separately.****

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**Ack… Family!**

By: ChickenGoddess

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**Notes, Lunch and Recess**

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Helga had strategically taken a seat at the back of the classroom with Phoebe sitting protectively beside her.  Seeing this, Arnold sat in front of Helga and Gerald beside him.  She was covered from every angle.  Lila, clueless as to the happenings around her, dragged Arnie to the opposite front end of the classroom, giggling and squealing with delight over her oh so special someone. The rest of the students filed into the remaining empty seats as Mr. Simmons walked into the room.  

Arnold felt something hit his shoulder.  He looked at the floor and saw a wad of crumpled paper.  He picked it up and opened the ball.  Inside was written a single word:

_Thanks._

Arnold glanced over the paper, knowing it was from Helga.  Pulling out is pencil, he scribbled a reply and casually tossed it over his shoulder.  Helga aw the crumpled ball resting on her desk and unfolded it.  He had written a reply:

No problem.  I need to talk to you after school.  Meet me at the park, 4:00.  The wooden bench with all the carvings near the lake. 

Helga studied the note, contemplating what on Earth he would want to meet her at the park for.  _"Oh Arnold," _she mentally swooned, _"perhaps this will be my chance to convey the feelings that I have for so long and painfully harbored in the depths of my tortured soul… to say the words that burn my throat and be free of this burden… to confess my love and never take it back!"_

Everything was fine… until lunch.  Helga had stood up with Phoebe in order to take a trip to the bathroom so Helga could tell Phoebe of the note Arnold had given her.  Before she was aware, something had grabbed her wrist.  She turned around and there stood Arnie, expressionless as usual.  Helga did everything in her power to silence the scream she felt in her throat.  The feel of his hand on her wrist made her skin crawl.  

"Hi." Arnie snorted.  "I love you."

"…You told me that… yesterday…" Helga replied nervously.  Arnie showed no sign of letting go.

"I want us to spend every waking moment together."

"Funny you bring that up…" Helga spattered nervously, scratching the back of her neck with her free hand.

"I like plain flavored gum.  And I like counting things.  I collect lint.  I have a lucky pile of dirt." Arnie explained, snorting after every sentence.

If these were Arnie's idea of pickup lines, he was doomed for his entire existence.  "That's great, Arnie… but the thing is… I'm not in love with you." She explained, still nervous and desperate to get away.

"I found this under Arnold's bed." He said, revealing the quarter-sized ball of gray-blue fuzz from his pocket.

Helga cringed.  This kid was thicker than his cousin.  "Arnie, I love someone else.  I don't love you like you love me…" She tried.

Phoebe had made her way to Arnold's table and had been trying to interrupt the conversation politely for a while.  When she noticed that Arnie wasn't backing off her best friend, she did something she'd only dreamed of doing.

"EXCUSE ME!" She shouted.

Everyone's head whipped around to face the petite Japanese girl standing before them.  

"Sorry… it's just… Arnold, you've got to help Helga!"

"What's wrong?" Arnold asked, too concerned for the comfort of the table, save Gerald who already knew the reason.

"Take a look!" Phoebe cried.

Arnold did, and saw poor Helga trying to tell Arnie to back off unsuccessfully.  

"I reckon Arnie's taken a liking to Helga." Stinky observed.

"Poor Helga…" Sid added.

Arnold walked over to where his dull as dirt cousin was still pursuing Helga.

"Arnie, what are you doing?" Arnold asked in a sigh.

"Professing my undying love for Helga." He replied with a snort.

"I don't think she feels the same way…" Arnold tried, coaxing his cousin off of Helga.

"I tried to tell him…" Helga said.

"So are you saying you don't love me?" He asked inflectionless.

Helga nodded in affirmation.

"Ok." He snorted and walked over to Lila.

"Sorry about that Helga…" Arnold said apologetically as he turned to face her, but realized that she had fainted.

Recess came, and Phoebe took Helga to the nurse's office.  Arnie and Lila again sat on the bench adjacent to the school building while Arnold, Gerald, Stinky, Sid and Harold at on the jungle gym.  Curley was apparently plotting what new and chaotic scheme he could pull once they got inside.  The rest of PS118's 4th grade students played elsewhere on the blacktop.

"Lila, I can't lie anymore.  I don't love you." Arnie said.

Lila was taken back.  "But we've had oh so much fun these past few days… I'm ever so certain that I don't know what you mean."

"I'm in love with Helga."

"But she doesn't like you, like you! I'm the one who likes you, likes you." Lila reminded.

"Ok." Arnie replied.

Lila smiled.


	10. The Park

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**A/N:** Arnold confesses….what more can I say to entice you?****

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**Ack… Family!**

By: ChickenGoddess

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**The Park**

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Arnold paced his room nervously.  It was 3:27 he had asked Helga to meet him at the park at 4:00.  He didn't want to be too early… but being late wouldn't do.  He had tried everything in his closet and opted for his usual attire in the end.  He was nervous… he didn't know why, but he was nervous.  He loved her, she loved him, what was there to be nervous about?  For the first time all week, Arnold truly wished he had Arnie around.  He had gone to the movies with Lila… or she had dragged him along.  Whatever the case was, it didn't matter.  Did he really want advice from Arnie anyway?  He could see it now…

_"What do I do?" He would ask._

_"Offer her gum," snort, "plain flavored gum."_

_"But what do I say?"_

_"Tell her about your lint collection." Snort._

Arnold laughed.   There was no way he could do a worse job than Arnie, he concluded.  He heard the door to his room swing open.

"Hey Short Man!"

"Hi Grandpa."

"What's got you all nervous?"

Arnold sighed, again fidgeting with his hands.  "There's this girl… and I realized that I love her… not just like her, like her but _love_.  She's… not like other girls…"

"And you're wondering what to do?" Phil finished.

"Yeah!  You got any advice?"

"Nope.  Not a clue.  Is it that mean little girl with the one eyebrow?"

Arnold sighed.  "Yes, Grandpa."

"So you finally figured out she likes you…"

"What?  You mean _you knew_?!"

"Sure, are you dense or something, Arnold?!" The old man asked.

"…I guess I am pretty thickheaded."

"That's ok.  I didn't figure Pookie out until I was 20." Phil consoled.

"You mean… Grandma was that Gertie girl who used to pick on you?!"

" I never finished that story, did I?" Grandpa mused.

"I can't believe it!"

"It's better you figure it out yourself anyway.  What time are you supposed to meet her?"

"4:00." Arnold replied.

"You better get going, then."

Arnold checked his watch.  It was 3:47.  If he wanted to get there before her, he'd have to leave now. "Thanks Grandpa." He said as he ran down the stairs and toward the park.

"Hehe… I'm such a wily old coot!" He laughed with the empty room.

"What's that, Don?"

"Geez, Pookie, _The Godfather_?"

"Leave the gun.  Take the canola."

Phil just rolled his eyes.

Arnold sat nervously drumming his fingers on the park bench as he waited for Helga to arrive.  Inscribed on the bench were various initials surrounded by hearts.  He hoped to carve theirs in the wood of this bench tonight.  He also took careful note of the fact that none of these initials were scratched out by an angry ex, which helped him keep his nerve.  Before long, at 4:01 exactly, he heard soft treading on the dirt path coming closer to his position.  He sighed nervously, knowing it was now or never.  

Helga was nothing short of a bundle of nerves.  Still, she managed to hide it as best she could as she approached him, mentally assuring herself.

Arnold was speechless as Helga approached him.  She looked exactly as she had in his dream the previous night.  Her blond hair, let loose in its natural wave and her pink bow tied in amongst the free-falling strands of gold.  She wore her usual pink dress, and that was good because Arnold concluded that he would not have recognized her without it.

"It's the hair isn't it? … _Phoebe_ did it." Helga said quickly, noticing Arnold's stare, unable to read it as good or bad.

"No- I mean yes- I mean: it looks great! …_You_ look great, Helga." He said, stuttering in all his nervous glory.

Helga sat beside him on the worn bench to avoid eye contact.  He couldn't read her that way.  "Why'd you wanna meet here, Football Head?" _'Great, Helga… that's the way into his heart…and you call _him _Paste-for-Brains?'_ She mentally scorned.

He just smiled in reply, as if what she said had confirmed his conviction, whatever that may have been.

"I love you, Helga." He said, looking her straight in the eye, his expression conveying his seriousness.

Upon hearing these words, Helga up and fell off the bench.  "You… What?" She asked, as if she had missed his statement entirely and was left with only shock.

"I love you." He said, a hint of a smile on his lips as he looked down at the girl whom had fallen from the bench.  A lock of hair draped over one eye.  It had been knocked loose from the fall.  _'It was her all along…" _He thought.

"When… when did this happen?"

"After we saved the neighborhood." He replied simply.

"Why didn't you tell me then?!" She asked.

"I didn't know!  I just couldn't stop thinking about… you know.  All of a sudden I didn't like Lila and I tried not to think about it…" Arnold explained, or tried to.

Helga looked at him uncomprehending.  "When did you start thinking about… you know… again?"

"When Arnie started giving you attention.  I guess- I know I was jealous." He confessed.

"Looks like Arnie was good for something." Helga mused.

Arnold laughed. "So… what do we do now?" He asked once the conversation had died.

"That's your call, Football Head." She replied with a smile.

With a smile, Arnold took this as his cue and before he was even aware, he was kissing a very shocked Helga G. Pataki.  The shock didn't last long, and Helga had never been known as one for short kisses.

They watched the sun set from the rickety old bench, on which they had inscribed their initials in a heart before heading home.  Helga studied the carvings, mesmerized that they were actually starring back.

"It came out pretty good, huh?" Arnold asked.

"Amazing… just I hope I don't wake up." She replied.

"This definitely isn't a dream." Arnold confirmed.

"What are we gonna do… I mean at school?" She questioned.

"Same thing we're doing now."

"You're not… ashamed of it?" She asked with rising shock.

"Give me one reason I should."

"Everyone hates me, I'm mean, and I torture everyone, especially you." She rattled off.

"So?" He replied, unphased.  

Helga threw her arms around his neck.  "I love you!"

"Me too, Helga." He said, returning the gesture before taking her hand and escorting her home.

The old rickety wood bench rested on the rich green grass beneath.  Few that were alive could remember the exact age of that bench, only that their initials and those of their spouse had rested there, somewhere amongst a hundred plus alphabets.  Today, there rested two new letters, surrounded by another heart.  

A + H

A/N: They're together! Stay tuned for the epilogue where I tie everything up!  

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	11. Gone Quickly as He Came

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**Ack… Family!**

By: ChickenGoddess

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**Gone Quickly as He Came**

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Arnold watched as his cousin's bus sped down the road and out of sight, taking Arnie back home with it.

"You know, his visit wasn't all that bad." Arnold commented.

"Was that before or after he started stalking me?" Helga asked.

"After." Arnold replied, taking her hand.

"Fine.  You win, Football Head." She joked affectionately.

"C'mon, let's go to Slausen's for a milkshake." He suggested.

"Sure.  I gotta talk to you about Tall Hair Boy." She said as they began walking.

"Gerald?  I thought you two were getting along?"

"Not that.  It's Pheebs." She clarified.

"Oh.  That shouldn't be a problem." He smiled.

Brainy watched this scene with a sigh… he was happy for Helga.  She had borne an emotional burden unequal to any of those in his class, and for five years nonetheless.  Yes, Helga was nothing short of amazing… and that's why it hurt.  Not so much as he had imagined, but part of him was empty.  The part that was accustomed to hearing her love rants and brilliant soliloquies in a dark alley or behind a dumpster. He missed getting his glasses broken… but she was free.  Free of the cage she had locked herself in since preschool, and he was grateful to see her as she was intended to be.

From behind the bushes, a soft sigh was heard.  He parted the foliage and saw none other than Lila Nates sitting on the soft green grass.

"Uh…" wheeze "Hey… Lila."

"Oh.  Hi Brainy.  I'm ever so certain that I didn't hear you come by." She said.

"Are you" wheeze "Ok?"

"It's Arnie…" She began.

Brainy listened attentively.

"I really liked him, liked him.  But he just liked me.  He liked, liked Helga.  But when she didn't like him, like him back, he just came back to me, but it wasn't the same.  I really thought that Arnie was my oh so special someone."

"I know," wheeze, "how you feel."

"Really?"

"I," wheeze, "loved Helga.  But she," wheeze, "loves Arnold."

"That must be oh so awful.  I'm ever so sure I know how you feel." Lila sympathized.  "You should talk more, Brainy.  I think you're ever so interesting."

"Uhh…you do?"

"I'm certain of it.  Would you like to see a movie with me?"

"Uhh…" wheeze, "sure."  It couldn't hurt.

Back home in familiar territory, Arnie lay on his bed, going over his visit in his mind.  Arnold was strange, but he was family.  His friends were even stranger.  Lila was ok.  Helga was Arnold's girl.  He guessed that she was just as weird for loving him.  He decided that he would save his questions for his next visit, snort, whenever that would be.

**A/N**: Well, there it is!  I want to thank EVERYONE who reviewed this, you have no idea how indebted to you I am.  I'm glad that you people liked it, and I hope you had as much fun reading this as I did writing it.  You guys are the best!  Thanks ever so much! *Slaps herself for sounding like Lila*  

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